what's my insecurities?

today i'm gonna talk about my little insecurities. as we all know us girls have lots of insecurities, like for example in our state of living, things that we want to do, and most of the time about ourselves, our physical appearance. so for this day i'm gonna talk about the things that i really, ugh! not that really but the things that i am not satisfied about me. 


1. height 

yes i am just 4'11 ft tall. but i always tell to my friends that i am 5 ft tall. funny isn't it? oh well because i am Asian most of the Asian girls has a small body frame, unlike westerners. i think they are all tall especially the Americans and Europeans girls. when i was young i always ask myself what the hell was wrong with me? they said if take lots of vitamins i'll get tall but apparently nothing happens. ugh! it's sucks right? oh well that's life but now i already accept that life is not fair some of us are tall and some of us are short! yess! and i'm one of the shortie girls! LOL


2. weight

i am already 21 years old but... my weight is 90 lbs. fudge! is this too much? i eat alot of sweets and carbs especially rice but i didn't gain weight. my momma told me i should eat alot, but i'm trying but nothing happened. i have this milk vitamins it's "Appeton" i don't know if you heard that stuff but i take that before and it's kinda weird because i'm always starving i think every hour i need to eat because my tummy was like shouting at me that she needs to eat. one time i'm with my friends we went shopping and all of the sudden my hands were shaking, i sweat alot and then suddenly i dropped. they were like "hey ces! are you okay? what happened to you?" and i was like damn! this Appeton milk i'm starving again. ugh!!!! since then i dont want to drink that milk again. but unfortunately nothing happened i am still 90 lbs.


3. eyes

actually Koreans are very popular here in Philippines nowadays. because most of them has a white skin, small eyes, tall, sexy and their skin is very very smooth. i envy them especially their eyes. because my eyes is really big... before when i was young my classmates always tease me they always said that i look like a tarsier because i am very small but my eyes are very HUGE!!!!!! if you don't know what tarsier is.. here's a picture :) --------------------------------------->>>>>>>>>
okay so there you go! i'm a tarsier... but lately i think that having a huge eyes is kinda fun. i am an ESL teacher before i teach Koreans and some of my student says that they like my eyes because it's big. even my ex-boyfriend too he's a Korean actually and he said that he really like my eyes because it's big unlike the Koreans they need to undergo to surgery just to widened their eyes. i think  instead of hating it, it's kinda good thing also :) you know what im saying? 


4. Skin

actually this is my serious problem for about 9 years. i have this acne all over my face and i'm really really pissed off! because i have this marks all over my face but not that big craters like moon hahaha. it's a small marks but it's a lot. for almost 6 years i tried lots of derm clinics. and it's really weird because my pimples are not subsiding. well they subside for about months but after four or seven months they will return ugh!!!!!!!!! my momma told me that my acne is a waste of money. well that's true because derm clinics here in Philippines is quite expensive. when i was in high school my classmates always teasing me like you are ugly, you have lots of pimples, you need to wash your face so that you will have a pimple free face, why don't you try to sleep early so that your pimple will subside, what the hell! i tried all that stuff and nothing happened. i didn't enjoyed my high school because of this acne and it really really sucks, actually my high school is very traumatic because i think all people don't want to be with me. i think they are all scared on my face. my god! if you see my face way back in high school you will be scared too! but now i think my pimple is kinda subsiding maybe because of my age? because i'm already old? i think so. but my problem now is my scars though i have a lots of derm products that i applied on my face everyday. 
i think i need that to maintain my skin, i don't have any choice but to put it or else my pimples will keep on popping on my face ugh!. but for now i need to put my derm products on my face and then i just put make-ups to hide the marks. my dermatologist says that it's okay to put make-ups as long as i'm using those derm products :) thanks to my new dermatologist :)


... that's it :) that's my insecurities. but you know we need to deal with it, like we need to accept who we are. because how can other people love us if we don't know how to accept or love ourselves right? it's natural to be insecure because we are all humans. we are not satisfied on what we've got, that's why we ask more. isn't it?